Working it out


The following content is re-posted, in full, from a post I did on this blog 4 years ago. Lots has changed in 4 years – – even more has changed in the past 3 months. Anger, betrayal, hurt…those are all strong, real, but fleeting emotions. Love stays…and that never changes.

Originally posted in January 2005

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. At least, not in my daughter’s case. If ever I had a Mini-Me – – she’s it.

When I was young(er) – I made a living singing in a rock band. Yep – Little-Known-Fact #101. It was me, as lead singer, and 5 guys. We were nothing spectacular . . . but we had a ton of fun and made a good living for about 5 years…. Or until I had kids and decided I needed to make the BETTER living, rather than the FUN living.

Adulthood sucks, man.

Music makes me soar (not sore… soar) . . and singing is still a great passion of mine, but the reality of adulthood and having mouths to feed became the priority in my life. So, I traded in my microphone for a stethoscope and spent the next 15 years as an RN. That job was extremely fulfilling, don’t get me wrong. But also don’t think that I don’t spend a good amount of time looking back on my music years with a wistful sigh.

I coulda been a contender!

Now I sing in the shower and various weddings for friends, family, friends of friends and their nephews.

Bah. A wedding singer.

My daughter, though! Man has she got some pipes! I love to sit and listen to her sing. Sometimes, when she’s doing her chores around the house – – she turns up the tunes and sings along . . and I’ll come upstairs and just stand there in the corner watching her . . . listening. Until she sees me and lets out a blood curdling scream!

That’s me. Mom the stalker.

Tonight, her and I went shopping. She let me listen to the violin piece that she’s going to perform at a state competition in April. Her violin instructor recorded it onto a CD for her – – which she then downloaded to her iPod.

Ahh. Technology.

So, I listened. It was her instructor playing the Minuet that she is supposed to learn. Would you believe that her instructor was MY instructor back in the day? Yep – Ol’ Mr. M. I studied under him for years. That is, until the my junior year in high school – they decided to put Orchestra and Choir during the same period – – so I had to choose. I chose Choir. Mr. M. never forgave me – – and do you believe he STILL brings it up everytime I go to one of my daughters concerts?

Anyways . . back to my daughter. After that discussion – she started talking about which song she was going to sing for the school’s talent show in May. She’s narrowed it down to three songs by Kelly Clarkson and made me listen to all three. I can’t decide. She’ll do beautifully no matter which one she chooses.

That’s what I told her.

..”Mom? What is that butterfly song you used to sing to me when I was little?”

I smiled.

“It’s a song called ‘Dog and Butterfly’ . . done by Heart,” I said.

“Sing it,” she says.

“Now??,” I ask.

“Yes . . pleasepleasepleaseplease??,” she whines.

So I do. I surprise myself that I remembered all the lyrics. It brought back days of holding her little body close to mine. Sitting in her dark nursery in a old creaky rocking chair that I found at an estate sale that year.

But I remember every word just like it was yesterday.

I finished. She smiled and said, “It’s been a really long time and it’s just like I remember it. You never should have stopped singing, Mom.”

“You sing for me,” I said.

“I will, Mom,” she says. Then she opens up the page of the new book I bought for her: Learning How To Sing by Clay Aiken . . . . she wanted that book so bad. She turns to the first page and let’s out a little sigh.

“So perfect,” she says – “If I ever write a book, I’m going to start it just this way.”

“What way,” I ask.

“The way Clay started his book: This is for my mother, who sang to me first

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4 thoughts on “Working it out”

  1. Love this, Lisa. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately…when faced with overwhelming betrayal and hurt, how do we hold onto the love, and let go of the rest. I do think ultimately that love wins… it is the one thing in the universe that once created, it cannot be destroyed. Relationships can be battered, and some broken, and some seem like an endless storm, but the storms on the surface are only the surface…the love is the calm ocean beneath. If you can hold yourself there, the storms will resolve. Easier said than done…but maybe that’s the lesson we all need to learn as parents…and humans.

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