What a depressing blog today. Not sure why I keep writing about this stuff in here – I guess because I’m sitting here having coffee and all this stuff just keeps happening.
As I sit – there is a hospital bed being delivered to my Dad’s house and then a medical transport van will transport my grandma to his house. I’ve been on the phone with him talking to him about the inevitability of it all. He knows she’s dying – it’s just hard to accept. I think I’m immune to it all sometimes. I’ve seen so much death that it truley surprised me to hear my 66 year old dad say that he’s a little scared – he’s never seen anyone die before. His father died when my dad was young. He’s from the generation where they wouldn’t let children up into the hospital rooms. Last time he saw his dad – he was in his pajamas in the visiting room of the hospital. He said he remembers being told that his Dad went to heaven in his PJ’s. That’s all he remembers. Later, his step-dad (my grandmas second husband) died – – but by then we were all living in Texas, and Dad could only make it for the funeral. My Mom’s Dad died in ’84, her mother died in ’93 and then her grandfather died in ’97. All those events happened out of my Dad’s sight – he’s never actually witnessed it happening – – and has never been there immediately after.
My Dad telling me that he’s feeling scared unnerves me a bit. How selfish is that? So what if it unnerves me? I can take a little of that, can’t I? I guess I’m just worried for him and worried about my abilities to help him through this. I guess, one day at a time – – it’s what I tell all my patient’s and their families – so why should this be any different?
So then – my friend D. called me this morning. Her and I have been very close friends for about a decade now. I met her in nursing school and we graduated together and have stayed in close touch ever since. We’ve been through a lot, her and I. Relationships, break ups, children, dysfunctional families, we’ve worked as nurses side by side in the same hell hole doing the impossible with next to no support, family loss, etc, etc, etc, . . . plus she comes over once a month and helps me deep clean my house. It’s a nice friendship – especially the cleaning part of it. She called this morning and told me that her Dad died yesterday. The funeral is Monday at 11am – would I please go with her? Which of course means time off work — but considering my 18 hour day yesterday and the fact that my boss has already told me to take some time in return for that – – of course I’ll go with her to the funeral. Her and her husband divorced after 26 years of marriage. They separated about a year ago and the divorce action, itself, is still pending – – but she feels like she has no one to lean on right now….so she tagged me, and I’m it. I’m happy to be there for her, though – – I mean if you can’t count on your closest friends and family during times like this – – life could get pretty hard.
True to our form, though – we always always go through these types of things at the same time. Whenever something in her life blows up – – something in mine blows up. It happens every single time – – and then makes it that much more difficult for us to be there for one another during times like these. 11 years ago her grandma died. She was raised by her grandma and was very close to her – so it was difficult for her. During that time I was in the middle of going through a divorce, trying to settle myself someplace with my two babies and trying to make my way through nursing school – – plus my grandma was ill with Alzheimer’s disease and we were trying to take care of her in my Mom’s home. I went to the funeral, offered support as best as I could without neglecting what needed doing in my own life.
Then her father fell terribly ill at the same time that my grandfather was dying.
Then her 26 year marriage fell apart at the same time that I was struggling my way out of an abusive relationship. I remember D. coming over one night to have coffee and talk to me about her marriage. She was really very upset and needed someone to talk to badly. She just happened to drop by without calling – – and it just happened to be the night that I had my ex arrested and was in the middle of filing a restraining order. She ended up getting embroiled in my life drama – – and we dealt with her marriage afterwards. I guess we had to assess the situation and decide which was most important at that given second. lol
Although when her oldest son got married – I had no crisis in my life, thank god! I was able to travel up to Minnesota, attend the wedding and was even the soloist for the wedding ceremony. I kept my fingers crossed the whole time that nothing bad would happen in my life at that time so that I could really be there for her and her family during that.
Now her father has died. My grandmother is dying. And her and I are trying to be supportive for each other without being selfish about needing more support that the other is willing to give. That is the story of our friendship, basically – but that is what makes it unique.
When my grandma’s health started going downhill – – I should’ve known. I should’ve called D. and warned her. Her and I know better by now.