Why is it that when you’re single….all your married friends are pushin’ for you to get married?

Is it true that they simply just want you to join in on the misery? Misery loves company, or what?

I have a friend…and I’ll use that term loosely, thankyouverymuch, who asks about the marriage thing damn near every single time I see her. It’s gotten to the point where I start the count down from 10. Inevitably, by the time I get to 6 – she’s asking about the ring status.

“What, no ring?”
“Hasn’t he proposed, yet??”
“When’s the big day?”

I’m not married. Is it a crime?

I was married once. Long, long ago…in a far off, distant land.

Bad experience, notwithstanding – I’m not opposed to ever marrying again – – but for me to marry again, well…..let’s just say that’s it’s been quite a few years – – so, from my perspective, there’s no justification for rushing it and there’s nothing at all wrong with quite a few years more before it happens ever again.

I have another friend who tells me that she wouldn’t be putting up with it at this point. Chris and I have been together for a little over three years, now – – and she says that she wouldn’t be putting up with it.

Putting up with what?

I’m in a happy, healthy, solid n’ sexy relationship with a man I adore – – what, exactly, am I putting up with?

She says that she’d be pushing him for that ring by now. Either that, or she woulda proposed herself.

What’s up with that? What is up with women who push and push and pressure their guy toward marriage? I figure, if he hasn’t asked….then there’s a damn good reason for it – – and besides, why push a man to a place that he didn’t willingly go in the first place?? If he wants to, he will. If he doesn’t, he won’t. If he does – – I’ll give him the answer that’s in my heart.

I mean – him asking doesn’t necessarily equate to my accepting.

What’s it with these people? It’s like being single is a social plague, or something.


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17 thoughts on “Ok…why?”

  1. Girlfriend I will drink to that!!!!! I posted about the upside of being single not that long ago too. Maybe you need to start asking these same people everytime you see them when are they going to get divorced? They might get the picture and back the hell up.

  2. Maybe it’s cause you’re in a relationship. Me, I’m not and almost no one tries ti fix me up with someone. Couple coworkers did try to get me dating this guy who was, to say the least, incompatible, no penis yet wanted sex, oh and a fundie holy roller fundie at that, totally incompatible. He was offended by off color jokes yet would go into great detail on what sexual practices he wanted, ugh.

    No one will dare fix me up with anyone again, or if the do, need to determine if he is compatible.

  3. Good point, Mog. Before I met Chris – I had friends trying to set me up all the time. It’s like it bothered them that I wasn’t dating at all.

    Now it bothers them that I’m dating – – but not getting married yet.

    I’m gonna take Lori’s advice and start pressuring my meddling and married friends into getting a divorce. 🙂 Maybe they’ll get the hint.

  4. It seems they are desperate.

    They are desperate for you to fit into the relationship molds they understand.
    Desperate for you to be amongst “the married”.
    Desperate for you to fit into their label of what they think you should be and what you should be doing with your life

    I think it’s interesting that the one’s who push so hard are usually those who really don’t seem to be happy in their current situations. It’s as though they need to find fault in others in order to build themselves up.

  5. Oh, honey, don’t worry! My man & I were together 7 years before he proposed. I was perfectly fine with that. We needed that time. If it happens, it happens & if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Everything happens for a reason.

  6. It’s very simple really… Those who pressure people to get married rather than just be in a relationship with someone they love are usually very insecure about their own relationships and hook into marriage as a way of holding onto someone rather than sharing a life together.

    I think you should ask her why she so desperately wants you to get married, then ask her why is she so unhappy in her own relationship that she had to get married to keep her man.

    That oughta stop the questions.

  7. Yaya – 7 years is a long time…but well worth the wait, I am sure. Rushing into something as serious as marriage, to me, doesn’t seem the smart thing to do.

  8. I think Uptown Girl has it right, you’re not fitting into their ideals. Also, good friends *should* worry about you – after 3 years, they’re concerned you’re waiting for something that isn’t going to happen, so they’re pressuring you to *make* something happen so you’re not wasting your life away.

    If that’s not what’s happening, then you should tell your friends – just gently say you appreciate their concern, but you’re happy with your relationship the way it is. Also, it bothers you when they continually bring it up so as a favor to you, perhaps they could consent to only bringing it up once every six months thankyouverymuch.

    You are blessed to have such friends worried about you. So tell them to stop. 😛

  9. I, like my sister, Yaya, have been with mine for 5 years and I wouldn’t change a thing! It’ll come when it’s ready!

  10. You do want you want. Forget the others. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t gotten married. I mean I love hubby, but I would have been very happy just continuing the way we were. We lived together for almost a year before we got married. Nothing wrong with it! He pushed ME to marry him and I felt like I owed it to our son. So I did.

  11. Some people put so much emphasis on the piece of paper that will legalizes a bond that has been formed. At this point in your relationship with Chris you are very happy and content sharing what you have. I venture to say that piece of paper would add nothing to it. You are a very strong independent person who is secure in herself and the relationship you have with him. You and Chris will make the decision when and if you decide you want to make changes but I think I would have to tell others that I am sorry they feel love is equated to an engagement ring and marriage but actually I equate love with being happy and content and that is what I am right now and you might be if you took care of yourself more and did not worry about me but I appreciate your interest……Hope that made sense..

  12. We (DB & I) I are going exactly 2 years….I want to get married, but I would never get upset over it…our relationship is good, we have our moments, but so does everyone else. I have gotten to the point that I HATE it when people ask “Has he asked you yet?” Or “when are you guys getting Married?” or “Have you guys talked about it yet?” Like if he did ask me I would so not tell anyone??? DUH, however I am almost to the point that I think its pointless to hold my breath about it, or say that I won’t put up with it.

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