For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater here
are some survival tips.
- Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait… where
the hell is Harry Potter?"
- Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT
PASS!" – After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it
- At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go!
Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen.
After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
- Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone
says: "The Ring."
- Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
- Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
- Finish off every one of Elrond’s lines with "Mr. Anderson."
- When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs
sing, "And I did it…. MY way…!"
- At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
- Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone’s
finger and fall down the stairs.
- When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the
- Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep"
Monty Python style.
- When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
- Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator"
sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
- In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout
"RUN FOREST, RUN!"
- Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That’s what I’m Tolkien
about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the
- During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where’s Waldo?"
- Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude
Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
- Start an Orc sing-a-long.
- Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.