Empty spot in the house


Some days there is just nothing to write about, I think. Hard to keep up a daily blog of stuff when the stuff just doesn’t seem to want to flow into my head and out of my fingers, huh?

There still remains too much stuff to do and not enough time to do it – in regards to C.’s visit a week from tomorrow. I’m thrilled about it, though. This past summer – he spoiled me completely by coming to visit every weekend for about 9 weeks in a row. Plus I was able to spend a week and a half out in California with him in the summer-time ~ not too mention the many trips he made out here for weeks at a time all year long. He SO spoiled me this summer. He knew he was doing it too – – because in the midst of it all he told me that there is only one reason he would regret all those visits – and it was because I would get so used to having him around, that when he wasn’t around – he’d have to listen to all my incessant whining about it.

I do miss him. More than ever now because he was right – I did get used to having him around, to be honest. I liked it. I crawl into bed every night really just wishing he was there to wrap his arms around me, still. I curl up with my pillow instead – and close my eyes and can still feel those arms around me and my head laying on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing.

This house sure misses him when he’s gone. I’m not sure how it feels to him – but to me it feels like this is a second home for him – – and every time he comes here, it feels like he’s coming home to me. Just when I think it isn’t possible to miss him any more than I already do . . . the end of his next visit comes and I return him to the airport and he flies home . . . then I come home. Quietly make a pot of coffee. I sit down on the couch in the living room with a cup and just listen to the silence for awhile before I get up – start roaming around, and begin to remind myself exactly what it is that I do around here when he’s not around.

You know I’ve got it bad when adjusting to his absence here has become more difficult than adjusting to his presence.

If you knew anything at all about me…my past and the beginning of my relationship with C. – – – not too mention my all important down-time…you’d understand that the above statement is actually quite pivotal for me.

8 days and counting!!

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