- Life is sexually transmitted.
- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
- Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
- Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
- In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
- Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR 2004:
Many terrorists come to America legally and hang around on expired visas (some for as long as 10-15 years). At Blockbuster you’re two days late with a video rental and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of US immigration